Signs You Might Be an Enabler and How to Set Healthy Boundaries

In the simplest of terms, enabling behavior refers to the act of encouraging or openly allowing somebody to engage in an act that harms without attempting to stop them or dissuade them from doing so. Oftentimes, enablers overlook the problem or even go to great lengths to cover up the problem and act like it does not exist.

If you think that you might be enabling someone in your life, it is critical that you take active steps to recognize and correct this harmful behavior. One of the best ways to achieve this is through setting healthy boundaries, encouraging them to get help for whatever issues plague them and allow them the space necessary to take accountability for their actions.

In today’s article, we are going to be taking a deep dive into some of the most common signs that indicate you might be an enabler, and going into detail on how you can set healthy boundaries with your friends and loved ones moving forward.

Enabler vs. Codependent: Understanding the Difference

While it is true that the terms “enabler” and “codependent” are used interchangeably, in actuality they have several key differences that separate the two. Understanding these differences is crucial to properly identify and ultimately fix the issues that are making the relationship toxic.

Two individuals that are codependent can be described as being addicted to the relationship, even if it is obviously harmful to one or both of them, while enabling a more one-sided relationship. Enablers typically help or allow somebody close to them to continue engaging in destructive behavior.

Common Signs of an Enabler

There are several common signs of codependency, enabler traits, codependent behaviors, and relationship dynamics that may indicate that you or a person around is encouraging negative behavior patterns. A few of the most common include, but are not limited to, the following:

1. Denying the Problem

Perhaps the most common sign of an enabler is the denial that a problem exists in the first place. If the person you are enabling suffers from substance use disorder, for example, an enabler may agree with them when they say they “only drink for fun” and dismiss that it represents any real, meaningful problem.

2. Constantly Rescuing the Person

Many enablers, intentionally or otherwise, find themselves constantly rescuing the person that they are enabling. Sometimes this appears as covering their behavior, dismissing it, or taking on their personal or professional responsibilities to cover for them so that their addiction does not negatively impact their life further.

3. Failure to Intervene

One of the more difficult to identify signs of an enabler is the failure to intervene when you see that they are repeatedly engaging in harmful activities. This can often be one of the most significant blockers preventing the person from understanding the severity of their issues and finding help.

Even when the person that is being enabled begins to escalate their behavior and pose a genuine risk to themselves and those around, it is not uncommon for enablers to continue making excuses for them and find ways to mentally excuse 

How to Stop Enabling Someone

There are two main steps that you must take in order to stop enabling somebody. The first, and perhaps most difficult of the two, is simply recognizing the fact that you are an enabler and that it needs to stop. As nobody likes the feeling of being wrong or as if they are part of the problem, it is all too easy to continue putting it off and acting like nothing is wrong and living in denial.

The second step is beginning to do the actual work of creating (and maintaining!) firm and healthy boundaries with your friend or loved one. While difficult, this is the only way to stop contributing to the problem and begin to work toward mutually beneficial solutions and help get them back on track for long term, sustainable sober living.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Once you have recognized that you are enabling somebody, it is important that you start to set firm, healthy boundaries with them. Many mental health experts recommend that you begin this process with a clear, open, and vulnerable conversation that goes two ways with them.

Once you have outlined your core concerns with their substance use disorders, you can begin to address and communicate about how you are not willing to enable this type of negative behavior any longer. 

While it is impossible to control the actions of any person besides yourself, you are in control of how you respond to them, and how much access you allow them to have to you throughout your daily life. It is critical to remember this when setting boundaries with an individual you have previously enabled.

SoberMind Recovery Is Here to Help

SoberMind Recovery is a Los Angeles recovery center that offers a wide range of specialized treatment, recovery, and rehabilitation programs, ranging from LGBTQ sober living to dual diagnosis treatment. They also provide individual, group, and cognitive behavioral therapy options.

Our mission here at SoberMind Recovery is to provide individualized, research-backed care in a compassionate and high quality environment while making a difference in the world of addiction. We help people achieve long-lasting recovery and lead well balanced lives.

Residents of the Los Angeles area are encouraged to call today 100% free of charge at 818-835-9268 or 819-398-8047 to see if our compassionate, evidence-based treatment options are a good fit for you and your recovery needs.