What You Really Need to Know About Sex & Dating in Recovery

Getting sober can feel like you’re starting a whole new chapter of your life, for some, that may involve dating or investing in new sober relationships.

Connecting with another person on a deeper level can be great for your recovery, but it can also put you at risk of falling back into old habits. You might find yourself in environments that can tempt you to drink, such as a restaurant or a bar. Your date might order a drink with dinner, and you might feel pressured to do the same.

Before you dive back into the world of sober dating, there are a few important things to know and keep in mind.

How Addiction Changes Your Sex Drive

The types of substances you previously used may affect your sex drive for quite a while, which could impact your romantic relationships in different ways.

If you’re detoxing from stimulants like cocaine, meth, or Adderall, for example, you’ll likely experience a low desire for sex for several months. This is because your dopamine receptors, which give you a sense of pleasure in response to sexual behaviors, need to heal. It’s important to give your body patience in the meantime before your sexual drive reappears.

On the other hand, if you’re detoxing from depressants like alcohol and opioids, you may experience a much higher sex drive than usual. This can lead to heightened sensitivity, which can make sex feel more enjoyable.

Dangers of Dating Too Early in Recovery

Addiction has a way of making people feel lonely, which might increase your desire to find someone to share your time with. However, when you start dating in recovery, it’s important to remember that you are involving another person’s heart and feelings.

Recovery from substance use is inherently up and down, and it can affect your mood, the way you see yourself, and the way you view others. Those who decide to date too soon into recovery often turn back to unhealthy relationships that existed prior to addiction treatment. This can reintroduce triggers.

Maintaining a romantic connection also takes a lot of work and energy. This can distract you from focusing on your recovery. It can also add layers of emotions that could set you back, such as dealing with feelings caused by a breakup.

Experts recommend waiting at least one year into recovery before you try dating again. This gives you time to work on yourself and can help you set better boundaries through a healthier mindset.

Signs You’re Not Yet Ready to Date

It can be a challenge to determine exactly when you feel ready to date again. Even if waiting a year is recommended, it’s not a hard and fast rule.

Here are a few signs that you could benefit from a little more time before hopping back into the sober dating world:

You don’t feel comfortable sharing your history of substance use with a new partner
You are trying to fill a “void” or escape feelings of loneliness
You are using dating as a distraction from thinking about drugs or alcohol
You’re not ready to commit to someone
You haven’t yet built up a support system that includes a new social circle

Benefits of Sober Relationships

While dating too early into your recovery may not be a good idea, there are a lot of ways that being in a sober relationship can actually aid your recovery. These benefits include having someone:

You trust enough to confide in
To help hold you accountable
To give you a sense of normalcy and stability
You can share your journey and successes with
To help distract you in healthy ways when you’re feeling tempted

17 Sober Dating Ideas

If you decide to start dating in recovery, it’s important to be careful about the types of dates you suggest or agree to. For example, if you struggle with alcohol use, going out to nightclubs or parties where drinks will be present may not be the best option.

Here are a few sober dating ideas to help you start your relationship off on the right foot:

Meet up for coffee
Attend a comedy show
Go for a nature walk
Have a game night
Head to a local museum
Have a campfire with hot chocolate and s’mores
Cook a meal together
Try an escape room
Have a picnic in the park
Go for a bike ride
Go to a dog park
Grab ice cream or dessert
Attend a trivia night
Try ice skating
Make a craft together
Visit a theme park or fair
Go to a farmer’s market

Tips for Dating Someone Else in Recovery

Dating can be hard for those in recovery, but it can also be hard for their partner. If you’re dating someone who is in active recovery, here are a few tips to help support a healthy relationship:

Take time to research addiction so you can better understand what your partner is going through
Make your partner’s sobriety a priority
Ask your partner about their triggers so you can help avoid them
Celebrate their recovery milestones
Keep an open and honest communication channel
Encourage them to continue attending sobriety meetings or support groups

LGBTQ Sober Living & Dual Diagnosis Treatment at SoberMind Recovery in Los Angeles

SoberMind Recovery in Los Angeles works with individuals who are facing an addiction alongside other mental health struggles through our Dual-Diagnosis Program. We welcome anyone who is seeking help, including those who are looking for LGBTQ+ sober living programs.

Start rebuilding your life today. Call our team now at 213-348-1421.

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