How Codependent Relationships Fuel Addiction and Steps to Heal

When a loved one develops an addictive disorder, it affects every one of their relationships. Some relationships crumble while others change form. Codependency and enabling are common behaviors that develop because of substance use disorders. 

Understanding the difference between enabler vs. codependent is part of the larger healing process of recovery. 

Recovery programs should offer clients the tools to recognize codependent behaviors and improve relationship dynamics with all the important people in their lives. If someone you love is considering treatment for a substance use disorder, facing your own codependent or enabling habits is a powerful way to support their recovery. 

Enabler vs. Codependent: What Do These Terms Mean?

Enabling or becoming codependent with someone who is struggling with a substance use disorder can come from a misunderstanding of addictive behavior. While enabling and codependency often go hand-in-hand, it is possible to exhibit enabler traits without codependent traits and vice versa. 

What Is Enabling?

Enablers may have good intentions, but they behave in ways that can threaten a person’s recovery. An enabler may downplay the seriousness of addiction or only support a recovering friend in comfortable ways. 

For example, a person who enables might avoid honest conversations about addiction because of the difficult emotions attached to the subject. 

An enabler may excuse an addicted person for having “just one drink” because it’s a special occasion or because the person has “been so good.” They might blame other people or events for a person’s substance use disorder instead of acknowledging that the person is responsible for their own decisions. 

On the surface, an enabler can seem to make life easier for an addicted person. However, enabling behavior can quickly create unhealthy relationship dynamics for both parties. 

What Is Codependency?

Codependence can come from love, but it can also be a form of control over someone else.

People who are codependent place the needs of others before their own. They often receive praise for this kind of behavior. Caring for others is a positive trait, but within the context of substance addiction, it can be dangerously unhealthy. 

A codependent parent might work an extra job to supply their addicted child with money for drugs or to make sure their child’s rent gets paid every month. Codependence can come from love, but it can also be a form of control over someone else. 

Some signs of codependency include:

• Extreme fear of being abandoned
• Consistently doing more than their share
• Feeling responsible for the actions of others
• Confusing love and pity, a habit of “rescuing” people they feel sorry for
• Difficulty identifying feelings
• Problems creating or respecting boundaries
• Poor communication skills
• Distrusting others or themselves
• Difficulty adapting to new information
• Chronic anger or anger management issues
• Dishonesty (covering up for others or denying events)
• Poor decision-making skills
• Extreme need for recognition

Enabling on its own isn’t codependency, but it can be a sign of codependency. Enabling helps create an environment where codependency can flourish. If you’re in a codependent relationship, you may feel resentful toward and manipulated by the other person but feel you need them to continue life as you know it. 

How Codependent Relationships Aid Addictive Behavior

Imagine if your spouse, sibling, or best friend smoothed things over with your employer each time you missed work because of a hangover. What if your loved one bailed you out of jail and covered your legal bills each time you got arrested for selling drugs or driving under the influence?

Codependent people make it easier to live a life ruled by substance use disorder because they shield those who are addicted from the full consequences of their actions. 

The codependent person feels worthy because they’re “helping,” and the addicted person feels justified in continuing unhealthy behaviors because things aren’t really that bad.

Enabling and codependency are both behaviors that perpetuate the cycle of substance addiction. Shielding the addicted person creates an environment where addiction-driven behaviors can thrive. 

Healing Codependency

Treating a codependent relationship is a vital part of the recovery process. If those who are codependent refuse to get help, they jeopardize the addicted person’s chances of healing. Often, those in recovery must end relationships with codependent loved ones to protect their own well-being. 

Much like dealing with a substance use disorder, the first step in healing codependency is recognizing the problem. Working closely with a therapist who understands the complex issues of addiction disorders and codependency is key. 

Support groups are a valuable resource for healing codependency. Participating in family therapy is also helpful. In most cases, the impact of working one-on-one with a qualified therapist offers the fastest and most effective path to change. 

Those who are codependent must learn how to put their own needs first. That includes setting and respecting boundaries. They must learn to give up the desire to control others, even if they are “saving” someone else from hardship. 

Learning to recognize their own feelings and improving communication skills is also essential. Because so many codependent people feel their only value comes from taking care of others, they must also learn to value themselves in new ways. 

Healing codependency is a process, not something that happens in a few days or weeks. Like healing addiction disorder, it requires honest reflection and a willingness to change unhelpful ways of thinking. 

Find Support at SoberMind Recovery

SoberMind Recovery believes in new beginnings. Whether you are struggling with an addiction disorder or you love someone who is, recovery is possible. SoberMind Recovery offers LGBTQ sober living and dual-diagnosis treatment in Los Angeles, as well as support for those trying to end codependent habits. 

Contact SoberMind Recovery to learn more about our inpatient and outpatient treatment options.