You’ve Just Been Given an Ultimatum – What Happens Next?

No matter who the ultimatum comes from, it means it’s time to enter addiction treatment. Ultimatums, with substance use or otherwise, come from a place of love, even though they can be difficult to give and receive. Others come from an exasperated employer, doctor, or even the law. Whether from a stranger or a spouse, ultimatums have severe consequences.

What is an Ultimatum? 

An ultimatum has three key parts: direction, serious consequences, and commitment. 

A threat shouted in the middle of an argument—“Quit drinking, or I’m leaving you!”—has direction and consequence but is not an ultimatum yet. Spiteful threats often predate ultimatums, but they lack motivation. The frustrated partner, tired and hurting, lashes out but can’t yet bring themselves to leave. 

When they’re ready, they’ll deliver the threat again. They will be calm and levelheaded and have a plan to follow through if the drinking doesn’t stop. Carrying out the threat hurts, but ultimatums won’t trigger real change without that risk.  

Things to Consider After Receiving an Ultimatum 

Ultimatums hurt, and it’s all too easy to shift blame to the deliverer. “How could they threaten me like that?” Remember that, no matter what, someone who delivers an ultimatum cares. It may hurt in the moment, but they want what’s best and see no other option. 

They are also ready to follow through. Consider their capabilities and the ultimatum’s impact. How will life change if they commit to the change, as much as it hurts them? 

Friends and Family 

Losing a loved one damages the critical support network. Destroyed friendships, breakups, and even divorce or loss of custody can destroy life’s most important social bonds. When relationships disappear, recovery becomes even more difficult. A network of trusted loved ones is a vital part of recovery. While doctors are still helpful and knowledgeable, they are not a suitable alternative to friends or family. 

Medical 

Doctors know how substance use disorder ruins health better than anyone else, especially as millions of people become addicted to prescription painkillers. Strict frameworks, often legislative, require doctors to carefully monitor prescription distribution and obtain special waivers to continue administration. Failure to comply with strict prescription requirements is a systematic medical ultimatum—“follow these directions, or the system will stop enabling you.” 

Physicians may also advise that future decline is no longer a possibility but a guarantee. Without more serious intervention, their patients will continue to suffer. “If you don’t stop drinking, your liver will fail, and you will not qualify for a transplant.” Such severe terms convince patients to enter rehab before it’s too late. 

Legal 

The government regulates illicit and intoxicating substances for good reason. People with addictions might drink and drive, receive convictions for public intoxication, or purchase alcohol illegally. Desperation drives some to burglary, armed robbery, and other more serious crimes to obtain the funds necessary to buy illegal drugs. 

Lenient judges offer penitent drinkers and drug abusers, especially first offenders, a second chance. For example, drunk drivers may receive these alternatives to prison:

• License suspension 
• Community service 
• Zero tolerance for future BAC while driving 
• No other criminal acts during probation 
• Alcohol treatment programs or classes 
• Ignition interlock devices

The simple ultimatum from a judge is profound: “Follow these terms, quit drinking, or you will go to prison.” Delivered with clear consequences and the legal backing to follow through, these ultimatums delivered from the judge’s stand are a last chance. 

Workplace 

Few jobs will tolerate intoxication on the job, especially more than once. The consequences of ignoring “quit drinking before work” are severe. 

Unemployment and the resulting instability add life stressors that worsen drinking and drug abuse. Feelings of failure and irresponsibility combined with insurance termination and financial troubles exacerbate family issues, which add even more stress. The wedge unemployment drives between partners or spouses could even lead to a second ultimatum after the first. An ultimatum at work can be the first sign of a downward spiral that leads to “rock bottom.”

SoberMind Recovery Offers Treatment for the People Most Likely to Receive Ultimatums 

Though ultimatums are sometimes effective, only 40 percent of people receive these valuable wake-up calls. Even then, those who receive one often fail to check themselves into rehab. Even with severe consequences, there’s only one person who can decide to enter treatment and make it work. 

People who abuse multiple substances are more likely to receive ultimatums like these.SoberMind Recovery offers programs to handle people with these issues, called “dual diagnosis treatment.” Los Angeles residents who’ve received serious ultimatums should reach out to learn more before the worst happens.